today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
