When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
false alarm, still single
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
