She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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