i think i have two assholes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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