ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
