Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're a waste of cheezeits
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
