respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
