I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
