I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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