Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's just like the Real World with babies
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
