Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
