If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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