My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
