Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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