So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
