he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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