dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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