An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
