Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
