I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
