having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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