really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
