Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
