I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
