no, he came in my armpit
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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