This girl is more easily done than said...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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