More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
