I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
