She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
