You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I could make wine with my vomit
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
