kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
