check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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