You work out of a Hotel?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
