the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
