yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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