Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
