Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
