omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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