New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My pussy is not your playground.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
