So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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