just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
