She is in my trunk
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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