He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
