I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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