Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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