He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
