Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
