You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
