Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
