ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
