there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
only you would photoshop your dick
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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