Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
