shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
