i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
