why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
